I was super tired, and for the first time in a long time I had a great excuse to take a nap. I took advantage, and I tried to nap a lot. I went between my house and Mom's so that I would have someone with me all the time and also so Mom could accomplish her own things. My mom was there with me through it all. I couldn't have done it without her.
Showers were a challenge. Lucky for me my surgeon's office had provided me with a pink ribbon-like necklace with a hook on the bottom part that I could just attach the drains to so they wouldn't just hang loose and pull while I took a shower. This was so useful in so many ways. Without it showers would have taken much longer and possibly have been painful.
It only took two days to get the verbal pathology report from the surgeon. He called me late on a Friday. I was in the car on the way to my mom's house, and I didn't get the phone quick enough. He left a message and gave me his cell phone number and said to call him anytime. This made me a bit nervous. Once I got to my mom's I got settled, checked my feelings, and I made the phone call.
He answered right away, and he said he had bad news. He said that of the 31 lymph nodes he had taken all 31 of them were positive for cancer. This led him to believe that of course there were more out there, and he was sure that if I didn't have chemo quickly it would spread and fast. He also said that he thought he had clear borders when he cut, but it appears that he cut into some cancerous tissue on the anterior margin of the resection. He said that on Monday morning he would go through each slide with the pathologist and let me know if there was any major risks here. The last thing he said was that cancer was present in about 90% of my left breast. Not a real comforting thought at all.
One the other hand, the right side was completely clear of any neoplasm or cancer. At least there was that good news.
So, that was a bit upsetting. I felt like I had just gotten my diagnosis all over again. Why it bothered me so much I'm not sure. I knew that the cancer was extensive on the left side from the PET results. I knew that it went to multiple lymph nodes, so I'm not sure why I reacted the way I did. I'm just glad I got the results on the phone. He can't see you crying through the phone.
I did tell my mom, but I kept this from everyone else. Not sure why now, but I'm thinking I did it so people wouldn't be so scared. I wanted only positives and when there was negative out there it was easy for me to pick up on that. I needed positive thoughts and energies to keep me going.
I had an appointment with the surgeon the next Thursday, so he would follow up on the pathology report at that time. In the mean time, my mom had me busy bossing her around while she cleaned and organized my house. She said the body can't heal when it lives in chaos. I never thought of that, but I felt like it was true. I know it sure did feel good to have it done.
My mom was good enough to enlist some help in the cause too. She had her sisters come over twice and together they cleaned my house from top to bottom. It is amazing what one collects when you have children. One thing for sure is that we had too many toys, clothes, and clutter. We gave away so much stuff.
Thursday came soon enough. I was feeling much better by then. I wonder if it had anything to do with the small talk the staff and I had. It really made the surgeon seem more human. For some reason the subject of losing teeth came up. I told him that when we were younger we got $0.50 for each tooth that came out naturally, but if we let my dad pull them out with pliers, we got a whole $1.00.
He laughed and shared a story about his own daughter. She was determined to get her tooth out, so she tried by tying her tooth to some helium balloons, but no luck with that method. For her second attempt she tied her tooth to an model boat and let her rip. That didn't work. Her last attempt involved the family dog. She tied her tooth to the dog's collar, and then she threw a ball. It came out very quickly that time.
He did go over the report again and gave me my own copy. It sounded much more positive in his office than on the phone. The area he had cut into on the anterior margin was no big deal. He said the pathologist that went through the slides with him was the best and he said it was just a small focal area of DCIS (ductal carcinoma insitu). No big deal.
One very good thing at the appointment was that he removed the drain on the right side. Yay! This made life so much easier. I was leaving for the Gerson Clinic the next Wednesday, and he was unavailable to take the left drain out because he would be out of the office. He did give his nurse permission to remove the left one in his absence if the drainage was less than 40 mL of fluid in 24 hours. This would make traveling easier for sure.
In the event that the drain wasn't able to come out, he said my mom or the doctor at the clinic could remove it. He wasn't worried about it at all. He did want to remind me to wear my sleeve to prevent any possible lymph edema, but otherwise I was free to go without any restrictions.
I went into his office the day before I left for San Diego. My surgeon actually was in the office that day. Another patient of his was having some difficulties, so he stopped by for a visit. I think he was actually growing fond of me.(Okay, maybe not, but maybe more intrigued by the situation.) He encouraged me to seek out a second opinion with an oncologist in the San Diego area while I was there, and I should send him any information if I did. He also wanted copies of any and all work that they did for me at the Gerson Clinic. He said he was very interested in what they do. He had his nurse give me a small stack of cards. I didn't want to tell him, but I wouldn't be going to see an oncologist. I just knew I wouldn't have time for that, and I wanted to focus all my time on learning and doing the therapy correctly without any distractions.
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