From Surviving to Thriving

With the two year anniversary of my breast cancer diagnosis (March 19 to be exact), I have been reflecting a lot on my journey.  Wow.  I have learned so much.  I have come a long way.  I am doing this.  I remember about a year ago on my one year anniversary thinking this same thing.   Who thought that I could still have the capacity to learn and grow even more?  And in such great big leaps and bounds?  It reminds me of the famous quote by Aristotle:

Or the one by Albert Einstein:

My life will be forever changed by my diagnosis.  I will never live life the same way again.  I will always juice, and I will always be very conscious about what I eat.  I will always meditate, and I will always do my best to live in a more mindful and conscious way.  This is okay.  It is even a good thing.  It is better than that.  It is a great thing.  Sometimes I forget how great it is...

I have a great group of friends who ask thoughtful questions or give you a thought to ponder on a weekly basis.  A couple of weeks ago the question/thought was:
Notice how it feels when you say "I have to..." versus "I get to..." about commitments, work, events, etc. Then take note about the results in an area of your life where you find yourself saying "I have to...".  Do you feel a difference?

That was a good thought for me.  I thought and pondered on this for a long time.  I often find myself saying on quite a daily basis "I have to juice." or "I have to make dinner." or "I have to go to school.", etc.  Which after I thought about it, what I was really saying was, "I don't have time for these other things because I have to do this stuff."  I was completely focused on the not so fun part rather than the complete opportunity and privilege that I have to care for myself and my family.  I have the ability to stay home and lovingly care for myself and my well-being and to prepare delicious and nutritious foods for me and my family.  I also am privileged to be able to help with the education of my children and nieces.  I completely lost focus and forgot that not all people are able to do this. What an aha moment for me.

And so I realize that as much as I have learned since my diagnosis, I am still learning.  I will never stop learning and growing.  I am a work in progress.  It just keeps getting better and better.  I now realize that it is not just about surviving my monotonous every day life.  It is about taking that life and making it beautiful and noticing the everyday miracles.  It is about those wonderful aha moments.  It is about living fully and sometimes that means changing your perspective to see all of the amazing-ness (maybe this is not a word since my spell check is alerting me...) that surrounds me.

So I have decided that I am no longer just going to survive.  I have decided that I am going to go all out and thrive.  I am going to enjoy the small things.  I am going to love the journey.  People go along in their everyday lives and they just try to get through their days.  They want to get through their week and to the weekend and then through the holidays and then onto vacation, etc., etc.. Somewhere along the way I think that we forget to truly live and smell the roses and to enjoy the beauties and miracles of everyday life.  At least I do.

So now my goal is to live life to the fullest.  I shall now leave you with a quote from the beloved Maya Angelou who says things so beautifully and whose words explain exactly how I feel.  What a great example of humanity and true beauty.

Thank you Maya.

Life On the Farm

12/15/14

I would have to say the most common thing I am asked about my new life on the farm is "How do you like it?' and the second most common question is "What is it like?"  Well, I like it just fine, and well it is different.  I used to live in a very quaint little neighborhood in the middle of a small city.  If I needed to go to the grocery store it took me all of three minutes to get there.  If I wanted to spend the afternoon at the park with the kiddos and go for a play date it could be done with just a small bit of planning.  At times I get lonely, but I'm not exactly sure why.  I have my family close by and am surrounded by a great support group near and far.

On the other hand here on the farm, I am free from the traffic and bustle of a city. It is so peaceful to be right in the middle of nature and to hear the birds outside my window (and at times coyotes and other hair raising creatures).  It is amazing to see the wildlife from my front door whether a flock of geese, squirrels, pheasant and quail, or even very occasionally a deer or two.  It is so fun to watch the boys with the cows, horses, pigs, chickens, and turkeys.  (The turkeys are no longer with us since last month at Thanksgiving, but they sure did taste good.)

What do I do on a typical day?  Well, my day is almost the same as it was before I moved.  It is just a bit different with maybe a thing or two added in.  I still juice, coffee break, cook my special meals, and the rest of my schedule.  Of course I still run my household and take care of the kiddos too.  I still meditate daily, say my prayers, and do affirmations and read or listen to uplifting books.  Occasionally, I help out with the pigs, but mostly daddy does that.

So what is different?  My oldest is in kindergarten now, and that is sure fun and challenging and amazing to see him grow and just "get" things.  To see that light bulb just turn on with understanding is awesome.  Kids truly are sponges.  We did choose to home school, so that is a bit different, but luckily I have help.  My sister with three girls and my brother with one daughter are also doing this.  This allows me to teach my subject (Latin!) just two days a week.  My sister, her husband, my sister-in-law, and another brother (who kindly volunteers his time) teach the other subjects (reading/language/literature, math, geography, and history/civics).  We do school Monday through Thursday and then save Friday as the "Fun Day" with activities that include (but not limited to) art, spirituality, science, cooking, recycling, and more.

Another change for me is that I have started to exercise more than just my gentle yoga and walks.  I have now started some heavier cardio like jogging and kickboxing.  I don't overdo it, and it feels good to workout and sweat a little bit.  I take it easy for the most part and listen well to my body and stop if I need to.  Everyday that I work out I can do a couple more minutes easily.

Many ask how my health is, and I have to say that I am great!  I feel amazing.  I am healthy and free from sickness and bugs.  I have good energy when I go to bed on time.  My family practice doctor, Dr. R., just saw me last Thursday (after three months since I am doing so well), and he is very pleased.  The small growth we have been watching in my armpit for over a year seems smaller!  It was the shape of a dumbbell that was standing upright, and on this last visit the lower part had shrunk quite a bit.  It moved easily and did not seem to be attached to any underlying tissue.  The top part also was improved.  It had moved easily in months past, but in the back it still seemed to be slightly attached to the underlying tissue.  On this visit he said if it was still attached it seemed so little he could not tell.

It is not all rainbows and butterflies of course (I have some major mood swings and can go from happy to sad to mad to frustrated in about two seconds), but life is good.  We are blessed and in a good place.  We learn so much from day to day and grow on all levels at an amazing rate.  My hubby has a job that supports us (even with the one hour drive there and back), and we have the best support system out here.  We have all that we need.  Thank you to all of our friends and family everywhere that help us even if it is just with well wishes and prayers.  We feel them, and they are appreciated.

February Labs and March Consult

3/5/14

So, this is a bit late, but better late than never.  My last consult was on March 5th with Dr. Cervantes at the Clinica Nutricion y Vida.  It went much as the other consultations have gone, and that is usually uneventful. Gratefully all labs look pretty good and I am feeling well too!

No mention was made about my sensitivity to potatoes.  I did notice that eating them even without the skin upset my stomach.  I could get away with it sporadically without trouble, but everyday seemed to cause issues.  I didn't have to really worry about all of my other sensitivities as they are not quite so important in my treatment.  I did mention that I had started eating some nuts and bone broth.  Although he wasn't excited about it, he didn't say anything about stopping them either.  

So we will begin with the CBC (complete blood count) and differential.  Basically these two give us the totals of all the different components that make up the blood as the name would suggest.   

From these results we are looking good.  Everything seemed within normal limits and he made the comment that I was not anemic at all, so that was good.

Next we have the Comprehensive Metabolic Panel or the CMP which will help determine your body's chemical balance and metabolism.

The only thing of real concern here is a slightly low glucose or blood sugar, so Dr. Cervantes suggested that I have a small piece of fruit between meals to keep it up.  Such an easy remedy.

Now for the UA...

Nothing of interest here...

Onto the thyroid with the TSH (thyroid stimulating hormone), T4 Free, Anti thyroglobulin AB, and the thyroid peroxidase AB.  (I will explain as I go.)

Well, Nurse J had suggested that I have my thyroid levels more thoroughly checked this time just because she thought it seemed to be a bit enlarged after a physical check of the area.  She suspected that it was fine since it felt smooth and non-lumpy, etc.  She just wanted it to be sure since in the past I had some fatigue and malaise.

Here is a short refresher on how the thyroid works. The hypothalamus releases TrH or thyrotropin releasing hormone.  This stimulates the pituitary gland to release TSH.  This in turn produces T4 or thyroxine by the thyroid.  The "free" T4 then influences the production of T3 or triiodothyronine by the thyroid as well .  The amount of free T4 in the blood then in turn tells the hypothalamus and the pituitary gland how much TrH and TSH to produce.  (Did you get all of that?) ;)

So for the TSH and T4 free...

TSH or thyroid stimulating hormone is the most common test for thyroid function, and as we can see it is normal or at least within range here.  

As stated above the T4 free measure the amount of thyroxine in the blood which also helps determine the thyroid's function.  It is normal of course!  ;)

So, because of my slightly enlarged thyroid found on physical examination, the next two test were ordered. Theses are considered thyroid antibody tests.  Antibodies are created by your body, and these ones more appropriately are made by your blood cells called lymphocytes.  This is a type of white blood cell which just happened to be within normal limits.  Often your body can start working against you especially when you have an autoimmune disorder or just something as simple as hypothyroidism or hyperthyroidism.  Your body can sometimes begin to manufacture two very common antibodies that will either stimulate incorrectly or damage the thyroid. These two antibodies are called thyroid peroxidase and thyroglobulin.  (Much more information can be found on these tests if interested.  Just Google them.)

Thankfully everything seems to be within normal limits.  Dr. Cervantes was surprised to see these ordered, but said it does no harm to test, and we did see some good results.

Now for my vitamin D results.  In many women with breast cancer the vitamin D can be quite low, so Dr. Cervantes suggested I take at least 10,000 IU of vitamin D3 when taking my flax seed oil in the morning and evening.  In fact, some studies have shown that high vitamin D levels may increase breast cancer survival in general.

These result are quite good compared to the last vitamin D result of mine.  Here we can see my level rose from 39 last time to 58 this time.  Yay!

Now for my lipid panel or cholesterol levels which have been quite low altogether.  Low is usually considered good, but you do have your "good" cholesterol or high-density lipoprotein (HDL) which should be kept up.  You do have your low-density lipoprotein (LDL) or "bad" cholesterol to keep on the low side though.

Once again my LDL is very low, but then so is my HDL or "good" cholesterol.  It is up slightly from 40 to 42 as compared to my last test though.  (You gotta look for humor and positivity where you can.) ;)

All the results really aren't too bad.  Of course, there is always room for improvement which I strive for.  I'm not going to stress it too much though as I feel great and know my body is doing exactly what it should be doing to heal itself.

Now for the new daily/hourly schedule...

Here are my new changes:

1.  Increase potassium to 2 teaspoons of potassium, but do this in only six of the drinks instead of all the apple/carrot juices and green juices.
2. Have a piece of fruit in between meals to bring glucose back up

Dr. C was very happy with the results.  I was happy as well, and already I felt re-energized and rested from being able to just be at home to take care of me.  I am truly blessed to have so much love and support behind me at all times.  Thank you one and all. So excited to see more progress! 

Home, Home on the Farm...

I'm back from my long hiatus!  We have had quite a busy month or so.  We finally were able to make it to my parents' farm.  We moved to a small home on their property the last weekend in April.  Of course the couple of weeks leading up to it were packed full and at times stressful, but we are happy to be here now. Now we are slowly unpacking and getting acquainted with our new home.

The view from our front yard 

The boys (little and big) and I love it here.  Every now and again I groan that we no longer live just down the street from the grocery store and the other conveniences of city life, but so far this is perfect.  I wake up to birds chirping each morning, and I fall asleep to the chirping of crickets or cicadas (or whatever the insect is that makes that sound...). We have found lots of giant stink bugs, lady bugs, and when pulling weeds here today the boys and I found a nice juicy green caterpillar.

The newest piglets

The boys are very good about helping out around the farm.  Mostly we take our food scraps to the pigs and chickens and make sure that their water is full.  It has been warm a day of two in the past few weeks, and when it is, they also like to help the pigs make mud.  Soon they hope to help out with the warms.  When I say worms I mean earth warms.  My family has started a business where we collect worm castings or worm poop, and we sell it as fertilizer.  It is amazing, and the best part it is non-toxic.  When we "help" out in the garden, we always include a bit for each plant we help get in the garden or flower pot, etc.  

We are also delighted to finally have our sweet puppy Pepper with us now.  We all absolutely adore her. She isn't the typical puppy that I'm used to.  She of course likes to play and have fun, but she is also very affectionate and just wants to sit and cuddle with you.  If you let her, she would be on our lap all day long. She is a great addition to our home, and I think she may be rubbing off on my boys.

Pre-hair cut Pepper 

My juicing and other treatments continue.  They may be a bit late or the schedule changed a bit, but they happen every day with or with out the help of the little boys running around.  Thankfully they seem to be understanding.  (The new dog and the great outdoors seem to help a lot too.)

I am very happy being here.  I feel extremely thankful to have this opportunity and the ability to raise my boys here and teach them at an early age about nature.  I just really feel it is important it is to take care of the planet and ourselves.  Getting back to the basics and back to nature is what it is all about!

Some Odds and Ends

December 2013-February 2014

At the beginning of December, one of my friends asked me if I would like to do a 40 day Kundalini Yoga meditation challenge with her and a few of her other friends.  I had been resistant to meditation, but I also knew that it could be very healing.  I had dabbled in sporadic meditations, but nothing stuck.  I figured what would it hurt.  Little did I know that this was the one thing that would be the biggest help with my stress, anxiety, and at times depression.  

So what is Kundalini Yoga you ask?  Here is a definition I found directly from www.3ho.org.  They are a great source for everything Kundalini.

Kundalini Yoga is called the Yoga of Awareness. It is a dynamic, powerful tool that is designed to give you an experience of your soul.

In Kundalini Yoga we harness the mental, physical, and nervous energies of the body and put them under the domain of the will, which is the instrument of the soul. This technology precisely and consciously combines breath, mudra, eye-focus, mantra, body locks, and postures to balance the glandular system, strengthen the nervous system, expand lung capacity, and purifiy the blood. It brings balance to the body, mind, and soul.

"In Kundalini Yoga the most important thing is your experience. It goes right to your heart. No words can replace your experience. Your mind may accept the words or it may not, but your consciousness will not accept just words."  
-Yogi Bhajan, The Aquarian Teacher Training manual, p. 20

Kundalini Yoga is a yoga for householders, for people who have to cope with the daily challenges and stresses of holding jobs, raising families, and managing businesses. It is a path for everyone who wants the skills to cope successfully with the challenges of our times.

Kundalini Yoga was kept very secret until 1969 when Yogi Bhajan taught it openly in order to prepare humanity for the major changes that this planet is going through as we cross from the Piscean to the Aquarian Age. The ancient technology of Kundalini Yoga gives us the awareness and the fortitude to make this a smooth transition. The legacy of technical and spiritual knowledge that Yogi Bhajan studied and mastered in India is the gift he brought to the West.

"The kundalini experience does not mean you have gone into a deep breathless trance and are beyond this world. … It integrates you more fully with reality and gives you a broader vision and sensitivity so that you can act more efficiently."~Yogi Bhajan, from Kundalini Yoga: The Flow of Eternal Power, back cover

It was an online webinar and introduction to Kundalini Yoga, and it was perfect. I could do it when my schedule allowed it, and I would not have to leave home for a class.  It was to be a "Christ" centered class.  (Not that it mattered to me.  I figure with any meditation religion is of no matter.  From what I have experienced, most religions really seem to teach the same thing, which is wonderful.  We are so much more alike than we always thought!)  I do love Christ, so that was great!  He was an amazing teacher and an amazing example to us all!

I must just say this was the beginning of great things.  I was able to start a practice that I will never go without again, and it brought me a good support group.  The group that did this with me was so amazing and supportive and inspiring.  They have kept me going when things were rough.  what a gift for a girl that used to consider herself a loner and at times "unloveable".  (FYI-I no longer think these things, but if you would have asked me 2 years ago or even just one short year ago it would have been a different story.)

One other thing this did for me was help me to be a true participant in my monthly meditation classes.  I felt like I understood what meditation could do for a person now, and I felt how it had really changed my life and outlook on life for the better.  In a way it had brought me out of my shell.  

Beginning in late December, I began the vitamin C IV therapy and the UBI (ultraviolet blood irradiation).  They warned me that I may feel extra tired and worn down, but to tell you the truth I was already worn out.  If I did become more so, I didn't seem to notice.  Another thing about this was the positive, calm, and relaxing atmosphere I had to relax in while there.  The staff was wonderful and so supportive, and they were very encouraging to me and excited about my health choices.  It was very much like a break from everything.

Another big thing  going on at this time was my follow-up with my surgeon after the latest PET/CT. He repeated to me what he said over the phone.  He said the palpable mass did not show up on the PET/CT.  He did say the lymph nodes in the axilla showed up again, but they had shrunk in size.  He was very surprised that the mass he felt did not light up.  He did comment that he still believed it was cancerous.  He called it a chest wall mass rather than an axillary mass.  (The terminology here is very important to note here in a moment.)

After the review of the PET report, he wanted to do a manual inspection of the site and all other lymph nodes on my chest, clavicle, underarm, etc.  He was searching for more affected lymph nodes, and he wanted to check out the palpable mass for himself. This time around he made a comment that the mass was very mobile now and unattached to other tissue.  He said more mobile is very good as it is much easier to remove when unconnected to adjoining tissue.  He did not find any other lymph nodes or masses.  

One funny thing he mentioned was that he hated to say that my therapy was working.  Looking back now the way he said it almost makes me want to laugh.  Afterwards my mom even said, "Why would someone hate to tell us that.  You should be thrilled to tell someone that."  Well, I was and am thrilled to have heard that from him no matter how he said it.  I am just so thrilled that I have come this far and am seeing great things happen.  

At this point he was very excited to remove my small mass.  I told him I was not sure.  I thought that perhaps we should let it shrink more.  He asked me to get back to him by the end of the week to let him know.  He also wanted me to let him know if I thought I even needed to be followed so closely if I chose not to have it removed.  I said that is a good point.  I felt that really the only reason to see him is if he was to surgically remove something from me.  I told him I would get back to him.  

As I was getting dressed  to leave, he popped his head in the room one last time.  He said he just went over the report and images again, and he had made a mistake.  He said the mass was in fact picked up on the scan.  He was confused because the radiologist called the lymph nodes axillary nodes, and he considered them more chest wall nodes.  This made so much more sense.  To have a strange palpable mass that was not active cancer and then lymph nodes in the same area that were cancerous just seemed strange.  So now I just have shrinking lymph nodes in my arm pit/chest wall area.  Yay!

Around this same time, I had turned my three week notice in at work.  I had finally convinced myself and given myself permission to take the time off that I so badly needed.  My last day of work would be February 21, 2013.  I had much to look forward to, and I was already starting to feel more energized and invigorated. 

P.S.  I told the surgeon I was not ready to have the lymph nodes removed yet.  I would wait until they shrunk much more and were much more mobile as he put it.  I would call him when I was ready.  This just felt so freeing to be disconnect from that constant negativity.  

December Labs and January Consult

1/9/14

So, after a very busy December and crazy (but good) holiday season, I was finally able to get my phone consult with Dr. Cervantes at Clinica Nutricion y Vida (or the Gerson Clinic in Mexico) done.  They were very much the same as they ever are with him.  He asked about my weight, and I unfortunately had to tell him that I had lost about 6 pounds since I had gone back to work full-time.  (I know most women dream of this, but for me I did not want to lose weight too quickly.)  I also had new information for him about my intolerances. 

We did start the conversation off by looking at my labs, so I will do the same here.  As always, we start with the CBC and the Auto Diff...

  

He was pleased with all the lab values, and did not see anything of concern.  I believe his favorite response to my labs here are that I am showing a good immune response.  Yay!

Next for the CMP or comprehensive metabolic panel...

My sodium, potassium, and chloride seemed good.  My glucose was holding steady.  Good kidney and liver function.  I had good levels of both calcium and protein.  Always good signs!

Now for the UA...

Everything turned up pretty normal here.  My pH is a bit high.  It is preferred that it stay between 6.5-8 to keep my body alkaline.  It might just be a fluke, so we will keep an eye on that for next time around.

Now for my thyroid labs.  As a reminder, The hypothalamus releases TrH or thyrotropin releasing hormone. This stimulates the pituitary to release TSH.  This in turn produces T4 or thyroxine by the thyroid.  The "free"  T4 then influences the production of T3 or triiodothyronine by the thyroid as well.  The amount of free T4 in the blood then in turn tells the hypothalamus and the pituitary gland how much TrH and TSH to produce.  (It sounds confusing, so I will leave it to the experts to really know what is going on here.)

And the results for my TSH and T4 Free are...

both normal.  Since they are both in the normal range, Dr. C did not have anything to be concerned with or to complain about.  ;)

On to my lipid panel or cholesterol...

Everything here is a bit on the low side.  This is not such a huge deal, but it is good to have the high density cholesterol or the HDL (the good cholesterol) a bit higher.  Dr. C did say that the coffee enemas do affect these results quite a bit.

Vitamin D is the next result to review.

Although my vitamin D is in the normal range, it is still low.  This is an important one to keep up on as it is believed that increased levels of vitamin D are linked to a higher incidence of breast cancer survival.

We discussed my intolerances that I had discovered, and his only big concern was when it came to potatoes. Everything else I could do without.  He asked if I had felt any issues with the potatoes, and I said I feel bloated even when I didn't eat large amounts of potato.  This is a large part of the Gerson therapy, so he wanted me to be tested to see if it was just the potato skin.  I told him I would give it a try.

Now we come to my new schedule...

Here are my changes:

1. Potassium compound decreased from two teaspoons to 1 teaspoon (Dr. Cervantes thought maybe that was contributing to my weight loss.)
2. Try potatoes without skin 
3. Make sure to get plenty of rest (He said this many times during the phone conversation. Wonder why he would think that was hard for me to do?) ;)

I think the biggest challenge of this was the potatoes.  I was pretty sure that the potatoes were still a no go even without the skin, but I said I would give it a try, and so I would...

New PET/CT Scan

Since going back to work full time on October 1, 2013, I have been very tired and fatigued.  I wake very early in the morning to get my schedule started, and I stay up later than I would like to fit the rest of my schedule in before bed.  I have also been losing weight a bit faster than I have wanted.  It is normal to lose weight on this diet if you have extra weight, but they do hope you only lose a very little bit at a time.  This added a lot to my stress, and I began to get a bit anxious and depressed.

There was also very little time left in the day to focus on meditation, prayer, affirmations, visualizations, etc. to work on the mental, emotional, and spiritual parts of this physical illness.  It all became very over whelming at times, and I felt like I wasn't improving the way I had hoped.

Add all of the above to the fact that my surgeon and an occasional oncologist was telling me that the lump in my armpit was a sign that the cancer was spreading and progressing, and that could make anyone feel a bit down.  Because of this, I have wanted to slow down and take time for me.  It has been so hard for me to keep my positive outlook, especially when I feel little to no support from my doctors and pure exhaustion.

I decided to ask my doctors to support me a bit more.  I wanted them to help me get some much needed time off to focus on me and time with family.  For if this was truly spreading and progressing the way they said, wasn't it time to just be with family?

My oncologist was unable to help at all.  I had consulted with another oncologist at the request of my surgeon, so she referred me on to the consulted oncologist, and he referred me right back to her since I had just consulted with him.  My surgeon felt like the only way he could help me was if my disease was truly documented as progressing.  He needed the right set of facts to support this, so he recommended a new PET/CT be performed.

I was hesitant for a few reasons.  First, I was not happy about the exposure to more radiation.  Second, I didn't want to have to pay for it, and thirdly, I was a bit scared of what we would find.  He did make a good argument though.  They needed the right information to get me the rest my body needed to heal.  After taking a day to decided if this is what I wanted and needed, I decided it was time to follow-up and see what was going on in my body.  The day after Christmas I had the scan done.

The fun part was that my fellow co-workers that I see and work with everyday would perform the test.  The strange part was that my fellow co-workers that I see and work with everyday would perform the test.  No big deal.  I am an easy IV start, and I was able to just lay there for about 45 minutes while the glucose/radiopharmaceutical did its job.  It really wasn't horrible, and it was over before I knew it.  I went home and secluded myself for a few hours until I was no longer radioactive.

The next day at work the first thing I did when I had a spare moment was sign a release and get my results.  This is what they said...

Not bad at all.  I was pretty happy with the results.  There was no sign of the lymph nodes under my sternum like last time, and lymph nodes in my armpit were shrinking not getting bigger like I had been led to believe. Yay!  They did see some unusual uptake in some areas of the chest, but this was thought to be a normal occurrence of blood pooling, and nothing to worry about.

This was really good news for me, but I wasn't letting myself get too excited yet.  It just seemed that whenever I got good results in the past, one of my doctors would make me feel like they weren't that great.  So, I was patiently waiting to see what they got out of that.  The call didn't come the next day, and I figured that was because of the holidays and most offices were closed.

Monday came, and although I did get a call, I was working and unable to answer the phone, and my surgeon was in and out of surgery all day, so he said he would call the next day when he was in office all day.  I waited as patiently as could be, and of course when he called I was with a patient and missed the call.  Once finished with the patient, I was able to call back and get him right away.

What he said surprised me a lot.  First thing he said was that the palpable mass in the armpit had no uptake of the glucose/radiopharmaceutical at all.  This meant that whatever it was it was not cancer.  He had told me at more than one appointment that he was 99.9999% sure it was cancer because it was getting larger and this was the very nature that defines cancer.  What a relief for me.  This whole time I had thought the lumps were one or more of the lymph nodes seen on past scans.  He explained that the lymph nodes seen on the past scans were actually the lymph nodes seen this time that were getting smaller!  This was one time I was happy for clarification from him.  This was so much better than any other news I could have gotten.

He was very humble and respectful the whole time we spoke, and that was very refreshing.  I was so used to mostly negative feedback from him.  I don't believe he wanted to hurt me with his negativity, but I do truly think he was in his way trying to help me, he just didn't know how to go about doing it.  He had been schooled and trained in a certain way, so all he knows is the training that he has received.  What I am doing is completely foreign to him.  He again offered to get me any information I might want on any chemotherapy drugs and even on Herceptin which we had discussed multiple times for the HER2+ breast cancer cells in my body.

He also said he would write a letter for me with the facts.  This is not something I expected from him, so I was very grateful anything he was willing to offer.  He was not sure why I was feeling so tired and fatigued all the time, but he did recommend having further testing done to see if I was malnourished (which he didn't suspect as I looked very healthy) or having thyroid issues.  I told him my family practice doctor was actually helping me with this already as he thought thyroid problems may be part of the puzzle as well.

The results were so much better than I could have hoped for.  This just goes to show that Heavenly Father is always looking out for me and taking care of me.  I'm so blessed to have so much love and support always from so many people.  Thank you everyone for your love and support!